A kiss with a fist is better than none

So what's been happening in the last few days. More drama? More action? No. Nothing much actually. I have found out a thing or two. My daughter dislikes babies. Nachos look like sick if you don't eat them fast enough. All children are evil. And I will NEVER understand men. Although actually that isn't strictly true. Nor is it anything new.

Thursday I took Grace to see my friends' new baby boy. She wasn't impressed (Grace that is, not my friend) To begin with there was a bit of jealousy. Towards the end it was a bitter resentment that I hadn't acted on her jealousy and handed him straight back over but continued to hold him thus being pretty much ignored by her. I'm not ecstatic that she already has an attitude problem at 20 months old but at least she is bright. Or stubborn. Either way.

Friday started with the stuff of nightmares. I love seeing her playing at tumble tots. What I don't like is other children. I just dislike children. I was there for an hour and in that hour I had one child hand me a pair of shoes that didn't belong to me, one snooping through my bag and another attempted to steal Grace's cup without me realising. I was onto him but can't fault the little sneak for trying. Probably harsh to say that about a kid who could have been no older than 1. I just swear that when they talk in the garbled fashion to one another there is some sort of plot going on. I can see it in their eyes. After Grace falling and cracking her ear on a chair, harrasing a sleeping newborn in its car seat and kicking a small girl in the face whilst trying to climb up the slide, we eventually left and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. Same again next week? Most probably.
And then there was True Blood. Epic. Along came my lovely friends (they will enjoy reading that) aka The token gay, the ginger and her "is he gay?" boyfriend (they probably won't enjoy reading that... I'm allowed to say it because I love them) Nachos galore we watched an hour of what seemed to be meaningless nonsense. Then came the last 10 minutes jam packed with violence and sex. Thumbs up as it's what we'd been waiting for for 50 long minutes beforehand. Unfortunately I had no dreams of sexy vampires that night.

Today was a good one. Full to the brim with all you can eat food. Heaven. Today is also the day that my ex goes away to Austria. I did text him to tell him not to sleep with too many girls while he was there. In a jokey way but kind of serious. Seemed like a rather convinient time for him to be single. Split up just before he goes away for a week on a lads holiday, get back together after... Hmm highly suspicious you would say. Even more so since I had no reply to that message. I swear I'm starting to be able to read men like a book, Although I'm not sure whether or not that's a good thing... But nothing I can do about that. And if he does, well, I will just kill him. He was warned. Maybe I should warn him about the whole killing thing rather than just tell him not to do it. Or I could leave it as a surprise. I like the latter, I'll go with that. And this isn't even a trust issue. I do trust him. I 100% trust that he will sleep with at least one girl while he is away. Like I have said before he is a man whore and those kind of men don't change... not really. But what can you do hey? He is techinically single. I do often question my judgement on men. People must read about these guys I go out with and think I'm a bit simple. And they'd be quite right. I can't help it if my womanly pheromones draw in the strange and not quite right in the head's.

Anyway I should probably see to my daughter who is currently running around my living room naked shouting "BALL" and waving her arms about. She doesn't get it from me. Honest.

Could it be magic?

Oh I'm just on a roll with these lyric titles am I not?

Ok so here's the scoop. Contrary to my own belief things didn't get ugly tonight. Actually they went better than I expected. In a way. Well enough for me to look at my last post and feel I may have been a teeny bit harsh. And I can tell you now, Bitch is my middle name so that is no mean feat. I suppose I could drivel on and on but I'll try and cut a long story short...ish.

So yes, we talked, as expected. I tried my very hardest not to be all weak and start grovelling (no grovelling was actually required anyway but there are a lot of things I do that remain a mystery) My head was actually starting to come onto par with my heart. Strangely. I don't think that happens much. Infact I don't think that has ever happened before, ever. I used to be all heart until my ex (well EX ex.. god it's sad writing that) turned me into a cold hearted bitch and after that I was all head *ahem* Anyway, back on topic, we have decided to have a break. He is off to Austria on Saturday (jammy sod) and I have my oh so beautiful friends to see. Not to mention taking my gorgeous little princess to meet (torture, actually) one of said friends' new baby boy. Not quite snowboarding and Jager fuelled banter, but fun all the same. After all of this he said he will take me out, have some "us" time and just see how it goes from there.

I DID mention Bitchy McSlagface but nothing came of that. I have bad mouthed her enough. For now. But if I see her scraggy slutty face anywhere again I will vow to hunt her down and claw out her eyes. And nobody can hide from me. I am the revenge QUEEN. Although I did notice she is looking into getting a boob job. Hmm... boob job, slutting around other people's boyfriends when she has her own (surprisingly... wonder if he knows of her "escapades"?)... does that not just scream insecure? Good luck to her I say. Karma is a beautiful beautiful thing. But at least I don't need to be a fake titted whore to get people to notice me. How sad. Oh god, I sound like a 15 year old school kid. Pfft, what do I care, I have the mentality anyway, might as well put it to good use.

I think that is pretty much all I can be arsed writing for now but you get the gist. Let's see what interesting and unusual things come my way tomorrow. I can at least guarantee unusual, I'm off for a meeting at the bloody Job Centre, full to the brim with skanky yobs. Just lovely.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

Unfortunately it's NOT the latter.

Today is a day that could hold a new beginning or mark a complete end. A stark contrast, yes. And I'm not sure which one would be better.

I have my ex coming to mine tonight to "talk about things." Should be interesting. Depending on how I go about it of course. I could sit him down, tell him he is a COMPLETE idiot and not fall short of letting him know that wrapping himself up in his blanket of naivety isn't going to score him any points as a long term solution on his 'Priority list of Life.' I could tell him that the reason we are no longer together is BECAUSE of one of his so called 'friends' aka Bitchy McSlagface who I would really quite like to push in front of a bus. And I could tell him I don't need him, because I don't.

Or, and this one is probably most likely, I can tell him that I don't need him but I do WANT him and I want to give us another chance. Like a big fat crumbly loser.

Oh why oh why isn't life just simple. For once? Maybe? Perhaps one day some guy will come along and sweep me off my feet, preferably take me to Nandos, and then I can just leave all of this crap in the past. I guess I will just have to keep my fingers crossed until then because if I'm truely honest (and you may not have guessed this..) I have had it up to here with uselss men. Or just men in general really. I'm just hoping tonight runs smoothly and doesn't end up with some kind of minor/possibly major injury to the groin (NOT mine might I add) and if he can explain himself without actually admitting that the only reason we split in HIS mind is because he is a complete man whore and he can't help but have slutbags talk to him like they're some sort of sad pathetic weirdos who are desperate for some male attention and don't care who they crap on to get it.

Wow. That's bitterness right there. But I suppose if that's what floats your boat then you can only be as pathetic as them and quite frankly, not something I can be arsed bothering with. Maybe it's just time to let sleeping dogs lie.

Anyway, enough of the cliches. I am a woman on a mission starting from today. A slow mission but a mission nontheless. A mission to prove to myself that actually, Love isn't JUST a four letter word. Watch this space...

"You have to laugh or you'd cry..."

You know when you're just having one of those days? It's just one thing after another after another... Well imagine that EVERYDAY and that how it pretty much goes here.

Like when the father of your child cheats on you and then leaves you. Bad enough right? Well, this is ME. So it's not quite that simple. The father of my child cheated on me and left me... for a man.

Things couldn't possibly go downhill anymore than that right? Wrong. That's just the begining!

After all that you think you have finally met that "one" (not the gay "one" but the "one" after him) and you think, do you know what? It just has to be uphill from here. The guy you always kind of had your eye on, not to mention the one you ditched for the guy who in turn ditched YOU for a man. Four years on. Pefection right?

Wrong again.

Lasting all but five months. But hey, it's a start I guess.

So here's to uphill marching and probably a bit more downhill tumbling. As George Michael once said, You gotta have faith. And hey, things can only get better.... well we'll see...