*Face palm*

I intended yesterday to be a good one. A bit of a getaway I suppose. But I ruined it because I can't control myself. So I went to town for lunch with friends. I got the bus by myself and as per usual took out my earphones in order to get lost in some music and in my thoughts. I turned on my iPod. Battery dead. Oh just fantastic. An hours bus journey with no music. But I figured, hey, don't stress. There are no annoying teenage girls or screaming children on here to annoy me. Just old age pensioners who sit quietly watching the world go by out of the window. No sooner had this reassured me then two extremely loud chavs got on. One was talking loudly on his mobile to someone who he had put on loudspeaker so we all had the privelege of hearing both sides of the conversation. A conversation that I was surprised didn't give any of the old people a heart attack. I don't wish to repeat it. But there was an argument between the chav and phone guy whether or not the chav did inface have a tattoo of phone guy's mum's name on his, erm, cock. After about 20 minutes of this absurdity (including the chav trying to sell his mobile to the phone guy but then informing him that his dad had already said he would swap it for drugs and, possibly the most intriguing end to a conversation I have heard in a while, I'll speak to you later after your dad's finished giving me a w*nk) he finally put the phone down. I thought, thank god for that. And literally that very second music starts blasting from the phone. Hardcore rave music. Just for us to listen to on the last leg of our journey. Perfect.

I finally got to town alive with my sanity still partially intact. Now, due to lack of entertainment I may have texted my ex. Just to ask how he was. This then started off an actual conversation of sorts, something we haven't had since we broke up. Really. At first it was your average "how are you?" "Are you up to much today?" etc. Then it turned a bit, erm, naughty. On his part might I add. So I eventually meet up with one friend and we go into a shop and are looking around. And I get a message, check my phone then slam it shut and giggle. Highly inappropriate time to send a rude picture. And then asking for one in return. Once we had met up with our other friend we went off to Nandos for some lunch. The text banter continued in secret as they both told me how he is childish and that I should find somebody else. I agreed. And then sent a sneaky text. Shame on me.

After finally getting home I tried to just forget it. No more texting. Fail. It didn't take me long to text him back. I won't go into details. But he text me a few times telling me that he had really missed me today (only today? How rude) and then, he text me simply saying "I need you." Well, for the love of God. One minute we can't be together because I'm a moody bitch and the next he needs me?! I had to calm down before I replied. And then he asked if he could come and see me on Friday night as he was off on Saturday. The voice in my head, the one that tells me all the sensible things I should do that I blaitently ignore, was screaming NO!!! Don't do it, tell him to get lost! And for a moment I considered it. But my fingers sprang a life of their own (honest) and told him he could come and see me. Damn! I can see a complete re-creation of the fiasco caused by the last time he called over. Why why WHY am I such an idiot?!! I just can't help myself... It's all going to end in tears.