That's what you get when you let your heart win

Bit of a random day today. More random than usual anyway. Let me explain from the begining...

So Thursday I had a bit of a panic. I am a skinny minnie naturally. I hate it. It takes ages to put weight on no matter how much I eat. And yes, people hate me for it. But once I finally put weight on, I have to keep it up or it falls off straight. A couple weeks ago I noticed my belly growing. I was ecstatic. Weirdly. But the last week I haven't eaten much because I have been feeling a bit down and stressy. But still my tummy kept growing. But it didn't look like fat. So then I had a terrible thought. Pregnant? But I couldn't be... surely? I compared a picture of my belly at 12 weeks pregnant with Grace to what it looks like now and there was a definate likeness. So I panicked a little bit. Today I ventured out and bought a pregnancy test and snuck into a coffee shop toilet to do it. I get a bit paranoid about this particular subject so I have bought quite a lot of tests in my time. Not because I'm a slag, just because I'm, well, paranoid, so I have to check to put my mind at rest. So, as a pregnancy test pro, I took it. An agonising 3 minutes later I checked it. Negative. Phew, close one. I didn't tell my ex about this though. So I hope he isn't able to read this anymore!

So, mind at ease, I went and got myself a hot chocolate and sat down. Only to catch the eye of one hot ass waiter. I smiled at sank my face into my drink like a coward. Dammit. Commence hair flicking. Subconsciously of course. I realised I was doing it and hastily stopped. Could I be any more obvious? Anyway, I carried on people watching and lost in my thoughts. Long enough to not notice the sexy waiter had sat on the table next me to take his break. I snapped out of trance for fear of looking like a mad staring woman. I continued to try and distract myself so I wouldn't look at him. But then he asked me a question. Well I assume it was a question. I didn't hear him properly I was to busy staring at the cupcake stand at the counter. Anyway, I turned and politely asked him to repeat himself (Well not quite like that...) then he starting asking me my name and all that. I think I answered. I was now staring (subtly) at his face. Even the way he drank coffee was sexy... We had some random conversation about goodness knows what for about half an hour. Then his break was over. And he asked me out. I thought woah, fast worker! Well he asked me if I would be around town when he finished his shift at 4. And I said I wouldn't be as I didn't live round there and I was sorry. And then he said "No worries, maybe see you round then." followed by a smile and wink. And off he went back into the kitchen. I got up a little dazed and realised that I'd missed my bus. But I couldn't really hang around there now so went to the bus stop anyway.

When I finally caught another bus I stuck in my earphones and stared out of the window thinking, what the frick did I just do?! I just said no to meeting up with a totally hot man. This was confirmation that my mojo is officially gone. Deep in thought I happened to look out of the corner of my eye and notice some other guy staring me. I turned around and he smiled at me and gave me "the eye" so naturally I smiled back. My eyes were then drawn to his bag that had the logo of a local sixth form college on. Double frick.

I am now finally home away from the madness. I am not entirely sure what was going on today... I must have looked pretty hot. Although I can't see that being the case as I have THE worst cold ever and feel and, I thought, look like hell. If they could see me now hey... sat on my bed in my dressing gown with a pack of tissues and a box of cold and flu tablets and throat soothers, sniffling away. Mmm, not so sexy!

On another quick note. I have not yet had a reply to my email that I sent to my ex the other day. He says he has been too busy. I asked if he wanted to meet up in town today as it's nearer his neck of the woods. He said he didn't have his car but he would try. Yeah, I didn't believe that. Just as well cause he was a no show. Pfft. You can't blame a girl for trying. Plus he would have only cramped my style.

I am now preparing for the added stress of building a desk in my room. I'm waiting for it to be delivered so there is a big possibility that I am going to end up throwing something out of the window. Maybe even myself. I really don't make things easy for myself. Sigh...